woodsy wounds; closer to the earth, like maybe too close

Frandz had to go out of town to work a few days ago. Conveniently he left me with no firewood. So I had to forage for wood myself before the sun (and temp) sank, oh so early, behind the trees. 


This was a challenge I was happy to rise to. Although I made a point of complaining extensively to Frandz over the phone. It's a part of our coupley banter, a sort of good-natured playful bickering. A little salt to balance all the sweetness. I like to point out his double standards whenever possible, we usually both end up giggling. The last time he was out of town he asked me to use the wood he had cut sparingly, so he wouldn't have to cut a bunch more as soon as he got home, which I did respectfully. I come home from a weekend away and all the branches and twigs I collected before leaving town are nothing but ash. Thanx Frandz! To be perfectly fair, when I was gone it was like 29*...it was only in the 50's when he was gone.


Anyway. I stopped along the road again and was proud of some rather huge branches I hoisted into my bed. Too huge, in fact, for me to chop them up with an ax. You should have seen me pounding the hell out of these things, I really covet friend Emilia's honed wood splitting skills (perhaps she will leanr me?). They were too thick for the reciprocating saw too, which I embraced only after my low-fi ax attempts proved fruitless. It turns out that both saw batteries were on their last few seconds of life, rendering them essentially worthless, and I didn't have enough time before dark to wait for the batteries to recharge. A branch-dragging I shall go. 


I grabbed my giant blue IKEA bag, perfect for gathering and dragging wood. Whenever I am searching for wood I get this sort of Brothers Grimm sensation. Isn't there some folk story where children are sent into the woods to gather fire wood? Do Hansel and Gretel do that? I don't really know what my brain is referencing but I will be out there, crows cawing, picking up sticks, leaves crunching underfoot and I get this storybook flash, like I am reenacting an illustration. 


Like many a storybook heroine my woodland adventure was not to be without peril. Most notably a sting on the hand by a yellow jacket who's nest I disturbed. I felt a tickle on my hand and looked down just in time to feel her sting me was I tried to brush her off. Damn! I looked around for an angry nest and saw none so I assumed this was just one I had annoyed and continued picking up wood. Then I heard a buzzing in my ear and thought I felt something in my hair. I decided at that point that I was more than likely standing on a nest and ran like a crazy fool out of the woods. Seriously. Like a mad. crazy. fool. 


After brushing, checking and swatting myself, in the style of another storybook friend, Winnie the Pooh (as well as successfully removing the yellow jacket from hair, sting free woot!) I decided I was bee-free. I cautiously returned to re-gather my bag and all the wood that had tumbled willie-nillie down the hill when I took off like a startled antelope.


My left hand has been swollen for 2 days now. What's weird is that Sadie came limping into the house yesterday with an apparent sting on her paw. Did she go sniffing where I got stung? Just seems a little weird that we were both stung within 24 hours of each other. My attempts at canine first aide were a total FAIL, but she seems ok now. I'm a little jealous that her swelling is already gone. Maybe all that fast healing stuff with the werewolves in Twilight makes sense after all?


Once inside, in front of a roaring fire completely of my own making (true satisfaction), I examined myself for additional wounds. 


Scratches on my hands and arms
Knee bruises (from a chopped piece of wood flying into it and from trying to break pieces that are a wee bit too thick over my it)
Did I mention the three burns I incurred the other day building fires? 


All in all, I'm not too much worse for the wear but I do hope I get better at this. Otherwise I will look like a domestic abuse victim by turkey day.