finally, I know what to do with all this stuff! also? everybody hurts, sometimes

When I was going through my divorce my lawyer advised me to take anything that could be argued as mine or that I might possibly want. A bunch of wonderful people helped me pack because I had to get out of my place on the fly.* Consequently I ended up with a bunch of stuff I don't really know what to do with. I was good about only taking my stuff and wedding present, but a few small items (mugs for example) got packed by well intentioned friends. 


When I was in the initial throws of pain and loss from sudden, unexpected divorce I was feeling pretty defiant. I verbalized to many people that I would be selling all the stuff. Deep down this didn't feel quite right. People gave us dishes, housewares etc. as gifts. While I no longer want these things because of the obvious undesirable emotional attachment, to sell these gifts for personal gain just feels icky. That was not the intent of the gifts when they were given and some how seems to dishonor the givers. I just can't imagine someone asking me how I am enjoying their gift to reply " I sold it and bought some CDs." Ew. 


So many of the boxes have remained packed while I waited for something to come to me. The right thing to do with them. I thought about distributing the stuff to friends, giving it to the goodwill etc. None of this seemed quite right either. While I don't want to make a profit off these things I don't want them to be a total loss either. I want something good to come from them. I want to make lemonade from the lemon flavored part of my life.


Then last night I had an idea. My X left me while I was in the grips of very real anxiety/depression caused by grief and trauma. I can't fully explain why this triggered his departure and I doubt I ever will. I am at peace with that. Fortunately, I was able to get the support and help I needed for my anxiety from Metropolitan Counseling Services of Atlanta, a group that provides deeply discounted counseling (based on a sliding scale) to those in need. I am going to sell the goodies and donate all the proceeds to MCS. 
Check them out here: http://www.mcsatlanta.org 
They made a difference for me and I want to help them make a difference in our community. Imagine if selling my stuff could help someone get the help they can't afford and improve their love relationship? Or help them to have a healthier relationship with their child? That's not lemonade, that's lemon meringue pie.



Here's their bit about donating to MCS (from their website):
Your gift to MCS can provide clients a lifeline in these troubling times. MCS fees start at $25 per session, with the average fee being $30. It costs MCS approximately $75 to provide one session. Imagine the difference even a small donation can make!

• $50 bridges the gap between our lowest fee of $25, and our operating expenses of $75 per session
• $150 provides scholarship funds for 10 sessions for a client who cannot afford even our lowest fee
• $250 provides workbooks and materials for group therapy clients
• $1000 covers our expenses for one client to receive 20 sessions at $25 per hour

I will post a link when all the items have be photographed and are ready for sale. I will likely do a physical yard-type sale as well as an online sale. 


I also want to take a minute to say that therapy is GREAT! Fight the stigma! "Crazy" people are not the only ones who need therapy (maybe they wouldn't have gone "crazy if they had help sooner?) There doesn't have to be something "wrong" with you to benefit from therapy. I am still going, though not as often, more than a year later. Having  an unbiased, kind, supportive therapist really helped me tremendously with the anxiety I was dealing with a year ago, as well as helping me work through some other stuff. It has done nothing but improve my relationships and my self image. More than anything it helps me understand that my feelings are normal, appropriate and healthy. I'm not bottling them up like I used to (like I was doing when my ignored anxiety started surfacing in the form of panic attacks). If you are hurting, or even just feeling meh, please don't let social stigma or finances keep you from getting some support and perspective. 
The world is a crazy place. It's ok to seek some sanity. 
I truly believe that if therapy was de-stigmatized there would be less divorce and less crazy in the world. Fewer teen shootings and suicides. Maybe even less war. 
It's ok to ask for a band-aid when you're bleeding. It's ok to take a sick day when you have a fever. You would never just let yourself bleed all over the place. Nor would you want to spread your germs or make yourself sicker for longer by not getting the rest your body needs to heal. We all need to make it ok to ask for help for the intangible hurts. Their damage is just as concrete and tangible as physical injury and sickness.


Let the healing begin!! 


Please buy my stuff to support MCS! Details coming soon.




*X had posted online that he was planning on getting into the apt. while I was out of town and taking what he wanted. I was not about to let him clean me out behind my back, so I moved in about 3 days, on the fly, with the help of at least a dozen amazing friends. I love you each and all and will be forever grateful for the help you gave and light you brought to one of the stormiest and darkest times in my life.